Fuck off world

Do you ever just think 'Fuck off world' and feel all sad and shit and stuff like that?

I do.

Right now too as a matter of fact.

I just, I just can't be assed with anything.

No sleeping.

No social interaction.

I know what I want to do right now.

I want to drive on my own to beacon fell, park at the centre place thingy, and just stand there, looking over the city at night and seeing how pretty all the lights look.

I'd like that.

But no, I cant

Because I don't have a car

Or a full licence

But if I did, I would do that.

I just want to cuddle

With someone I care for and who cares for me.

But that wont happen, because no one does.

I'd like to take that person to beacon fell with me, and have a picnic, right now.

Even though its quarter past nine.

I want to do it.

But I can't.


In the past I've managed to not care or anything, but now I can't. I do care, I want to be able to take a night time stroll with someone, keep them warm if they got cold, go on a night time drive somewhere, just an adventure.

The two of us.

Just the two of us.

I dont know what to do.

My mind is all confused.

No one cares.

People say they do,

But never really show it.


'Your my best friend and I couldn't live without you!' said someone once.

I call bullshit.

Your still alive, and Im not your best friend. You've replaced me.


It's a horrible feeling is that, knowing you've been replaced.

Kind of like jealousy

But it's not

Because it's...

well its just not jealousy.

It's replacement.


So right now I have a text on my phone and a Facebook message. But I have no intention of replying because I can't be bothered replying. I know, Im so nice aren't I?

The people are ok. They don't need my help. Therefore it's not necessary to respond, despite the face I started the conversation.

I just want to walk around the park, take a lesuirely stroll around the docks maybe, but not on my own. Or maybe on my own, but I don't have the energy to.

So basically,

Fuck off world. I'll reply tomorrow. I have to go cry or something pathetic like that. Be all depressed alone because no one really cares. If they did, they'd show it. Make me feel it.

But no.

I'm not important like that.

I'm only here when they need something.

So yeah.

Bye.

Relationships

I miss being in a relationship. 

I want to be in a relationship. 

I probably (most definitely) wont be in a relationship. 

If I was, I'd want to be able to;

Cuddle.

Be with that person. 

Not have many arguments. 

Both of us be happy. 

Someone who is busy like I am soit isn't   unfair on them as I'm always busy.

Hugs. 

Kisses. 

And just that generally cute shit. 

Most people I know are in a relationship and then there's just me sat there chilling on my lonesome while they're being all cute and shit and eurgh.

The person I like isn't texting me back, and I'm thinking of giving up liking her because that way it stops me getting jealous and I'm sure she'd be happier without me. 

I know I always say to people;

"Never give up"

And I always think of a quote by Winston Churchill;

"If you're going through hell keep going"

But. I can't. I mentally can't keep doing this day in, day out. 

It makes me upset. 

I always over think. 

I get worked up or make silly presumptions. 

When in reality;

It's not meant to be. 

And on another note;

Finding out something about the person you liked for ages that just makes you think

"Well. Shit"

That's horrible. Even heartbreaking. 

I don't know what to do anymore. 

I can't talk to anyone about it because I know what they'll say.

They'll say "shit happens and life's a bitch and you'll just have to get over it"

Which is entirely correct. 

But. 

I can't do it. 

I just want a relationship. 

A happy one. 

Not many arguments. 

Actually enjoying her company. 

Having fun with her. 

Being able to go to work and not have her complain like my ex ALWAYS did. 

Someone understanding. 

Lovely. 

Kind. 

It's so much to ask for. 

And that's why I'm not going to. 

I don't know what I'm going to do. 

But it's easier to smile and say "I'm okay"

That admit your a pile of shit and emotionally compromised. 

Life's great. Isn't it?