I am pathetic.
After being single for the past 3 years and getting rejected time and time again, things that used to make me worry and hurt inside now mean nothing and literally have no effect on me. And that makes me worry.
As always, I've moved on and like someone else again, and it was going good we were talking and it was great. The thing is, as always, she doesn't like me the way I like her, and despite this we have kissed (yes, we really have, hard to believe I know) several times but the kissing doesn't mean anything. She often says to me that she's not the relationship kind of girl and isn't looking for one, but then to others will complain about being single....now that used to hurt in the past, but this has happened so many times now it just means nothing.
I've also committed the number one sin, I've changed myself for her. As in, new haircut (completely restyled) and even got different clothing. And despite this, all of which she recommended, still nothing.
Now I could be over thinking or over reacting and something could still happen, as Noah didn't build the ark in a day, but after being used to so much rejection and so many no's it's hard to keep the faith and keep trying.
We're currently working on a panto together and I worry for 2 days time when it's over, because everything will probably grind to a halt between us, despite the fact we've both said we're great friends and wouldn't want to loose each other (yes I know I am in the friend zone, as always).
I just don't know what to do anymore, I've tried everything and I've tried ignoring feelings completely but nothing works, and I'm fed up of saying to people "I'm fine" when inside I'm dying, or when she says something and then says sorry to me after about it because she thinks it hurt my feelings and I say "don't be silly it's fine" when what's really happened is she's ripped my heart out and jumped on it a few times...
I can't cope anymore, it's all getting too much for me to handle
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