Update

My life currently, is shit. 

I constantly feel shit, have massive mood swings and waves of depression anger sadness and happiness, and i don't know why. 

I have much to sort at work but I'm not in the correct mental state to do it. 

I hate love and relationships, it just messes life up constantly. 

I like someone, they, more than likely, do not like me back. (Nothing unusual there) I told her the other week I like her, that was a big mistake, it was awkward for a few days and then we started snapchatting more and talking more and we even had a 2hr conversation on night before leaving work. I really don't know where I stand with her. It was only until earlier today that I found something out that I didn't want to know. You can probably guess what...

So since I found that out I've been feeling rather sick both mentally and physically, the last two days I haven't been well and feeling about under the weather but this hasn't helped. 

The bit that annoys me the most is the fact I get so wound up about it. Currently, I'm not interested in getting into a relationship, and I don't see me doing in the near future. So all in all, I'm a fucking idiot. 

I have no idea what to do. I just want companionship I think, but again, I don't know, I want to be with her but I'm too busy at the moment for s relationship as I'm scared of loosing her if we were to  enter into a relationship.

I feel like I can't talk to people about it because they don't understand my situation and how I feel, so I try and keep it all bottled in but that always ends badly, I just don't know. I want to be able to sleep and wake up in the morning feeling happy and refreshed. 

Ha. 

Like that's going to happen.