Just an average rant

Right now I have so much on my mind but it's simply petty stuff so I don't want to rant to people about it because they have other things going on and stuff so HELLO BLOG!

All my feelings for someone all came back at once and now I really miss her and I was crying as I walked home because of it and the worst bit is I know she doesn't like me how I like her and I know she never will and yet in my head I can actually vividly see a future of me and her together, and just knowing that it won't happen just kills me inside.

But I also like another girl, but my friendship with her is a proper one, if you get me? Like I was walking down the drive with her once and it took us about 2 minutes at most? And in that time we had a decent conversation and it flowed and it didn't get awkward and I made her laugh and she made me laugh and it was great, but I don't get that with the other girl, but to me I think she's beautiful and amazing and really funny and cute and I'd just love to be in a relationship with her. 

I'd like that with them both, but with only one of course. 

But one thing that's been on my mind recently is what if I only still like the first one because I have for 5 years and it's just natural for me, which is horrible because that isn't fair on her. 

If anyone actually reads this your probably thinking 'JUST TELL THEM BOTH AND SEE WHAT THEY SAY' and in all honesty, I am highly tempted in doing just that. And then probably regret it and cry. Yey

Duties will include:

"• Unsociable hours with evening and weekend work" (copied from my job description)

Well that's fine by me! Because I don't have a social life...

But the only problem is that I hardly get time to see people I like, well I say this going off what happened with my ex but I didn't really want to see her but if I was in a proper relationship I'd want to see my girlfriend so I'd make time and see her whenever I could, so yeah, problem solved 

Decisions

So I like someone, and she's the only girl I've ever liked and been able to talk to perfectly fine, and that makes me wonder why.

Lately I've been thinking of telling her that I like her, but I don't want to loose a great friend, and it's just so annoying how I want to tell her but can't, so I don't know what to do. 

Tell her and risk loosing her. 

Or,

Don't tell her and risk not getting her. 

Why is life such a bitch?

Things like this happen to loads of people but then again I know loads of people who can pretty much go up to a girl, say hi, and then the next minute there in a relationship. Why isn't there anyone who I can go out with?

Yes ok I had a girlfriend once but she was/still is a physcopath freak, completely messed in the head, but that's not the point, it wasted 5 and Half months of my life...

So yeah, I just want to go out with the one I like but I know I can't, won't be able to because she doesn't like me the way I like her. 

Eurgh

Eurgh Asdfghjkl merr eurgh I just want to be in a relationship. With you. 

What I want to say

Your beautiful

Amazing

Awesome

Kind

Caring

Lovely

Loving

Trustable

Fun to hang around with

Easy to talk to

And loads of other brilliant things

You're the only girl I can talk to who I like without feeling awkward, you're the girl who I'd just love to cuddle with, you're the one on my mind

You think it's someone else but it's you. 

I'd never cheat nor make you feel unloved. I'd come and see you at 3am if you were upset. 

You texted me at midnight once just as I was going to bed and you were upset and confused and I was glad you turned to me because no one else ever does, and since then I've slept with my phone on nearly full volume, waiting for your text. 

To put it simply, I'd really like to go out with you, but Im scared to ask you out incase you say no and I lose a great friend

Eurgh people

So this post is about something that really annoys me. 

Say there's a group of people, all friends, but most of them don't like one of them because all that one does is seem to just copy the others, and they don't like that.

Maybe that one just happens to like the same stuff as the others but only after they've been introduce to it?

Maybe, they chose that colour for their dress because it's her FAVOURITE COLOUR and not because she copied you, it just so happened to be that you mentioned your dress was that colour before she told anyone. 

It's things like that that annoy me, a whole 'group of friends' that practically hate each other but love each other at the  same time. 

But in the end all it comes down to is not knowing the full story. Because the one they don't like is actually a really great person with a great personality and is fun to be around, so if you read this and know I'm on about you, don't let them put you down, ever.

Okay?

That one memory

Everyone has that one memory that they will never forget and always remember. Your lying if you don't. The most happiest time of your life, yes it may change, but you will always have one. 

I didn't expect last night to be as good as it was but I suppose there's one thing that I didn't like.

Lets say you hear someone say something, something that your good at or something, like a caring person or a good artist, they say they want someone who's caring or they say they want a good artist, and you think 'ooh that's me' and you know it's you because people have called you it before, but you don't have the courage to say to that person your a good artist or a caring person, so you just stay there and start to over think and then you get all worked up about it and you just want to leave or cry and anything. 

It's not very nice. 

Aren't people confusing?

Surely it's not just me that thinks people are so confusing, because even I confuse my self. 

But, with me I think I just miss being in a relationship and have just become a bit desperate so that makes sense now with me. 

But anyway people are so confusing, you say one thing and mean another, someone tells you some thing like your crush likes you back but you don't believe them so you have a dilemma, trust your friend and ask your crush out and it all work out fine, ignore your friend and stay single, or the worst one, believe your friend and ask your crush out, and she/he rejects you and now knows you like them so ignores you for the foreseeable future. 

It's a tough one. 

Asdfghjkl

You know when you like someone so much and you feel sick when other people are closer to them than you or they're flirting with them? 

It's horrible isn't it. 

You just feel sick and get jealous  

But. 

It's worse when your in love with someone, and you find out that or see them getting off with someone, you just go all light headed and feel like collapsing there and then and then you start feeling sick, and all you can do is stand there and just say;

"Ok"

It's truly one of the worst feelings in the world. Yes, they were drunk. Yes, it didn't mean anything. But, it's not the point. It still hurts, it still gets to you, it makes you think, "that should be me"

One day, everything will be alright. 

Maybe?

Hopefully?

Probably not.